Ready for Some Football?

11) Use your laptop to redirect the satellite TV signal to old reruns of Maude

10) Mention that the CIO's high-tech projector looks like the one the IT department bought during last year's technology refresh

9) Wrap the cocktail wieners with old pieces of DLT tape

8) Show security video of the CIO and his new "assistant" as half-time entertainment

7) After a great play, say, "If only our software worked that well!"6) Change the channel, then tell the CIO he'll have to get management approval to change it back

5) Rip out your new blade server rig and install it in the CIO's kitchen to heat the nacho cheese dip

4) Suggest that everybody try converting players' jersey numbers to hex, binary and octal code

3) Yell out, "Hey, the data center called and asked how to turn off the fire sprinklers!"

2) Shave the NFL logo into the hair of the CIO's pet poodle1) Invite your local Hell's Angels chapter along for the free food

Special thanks to our color commentators--Stephen Cole, Cheryl Fritsch, Steve Harvey, Eric Huemoeller, Gregory Mamayek, David Mohrman, R.L. Noble and Douglas Rockney--for their suggestions from the back of the playbook. You folks really know how to get sacked.

»Nissan won the hearts of computer gamers--though probably not the highway patrol--last month when it unveiled the Nissan Urge, a concept car that includes a built-in Xbox 360 on the driver's side. And we thought cell phones and PDAs were distracting. Imagine trying to get around the guy who's about to graduate to the next level of Project Gotham Racing 3. To be fair, Nissan says the game won't work unless the car is in park--but we're guessing gamers will soon devise a workaround.

»So you think your data center has everything? Bet you don't have a pet! Dogs and cats are too hairy, and they wouldn't like the frigid temperatures in your server room anyway. Birds leave seeds (or worse) on your keyboard. Fish could get things wet ... unless you build your own! Engineers at Japan's National Maritime Research Institute have developed prototypes of several "fish robots" that can liven up your workspace. You'll find the plans here. Build one today--they're quiet and very well-behaved.

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