It's Not About Taxes, Vonage. Really.

Nobody understands us state regulators from New York. We're just looking out for the little guy, are we, making sure that that Internet-y phone-thingy doesn't try to take an end run around our taxes.

Oops! Did I say taxes? What I meant was our regulations, which are in place to ensure public safety. We'd sure hate to hear that somebody thought it was OK to switch over to that there VoIP-y thing, or whatever you call it, and then tried to dial 911 and no ambulance could find their house. Or no state treasurer could find those Universal Service Fund "fees" that we let regular, good ol' telephone companies put just about anywhere on your bill, since we get a good chunk of that change.

I'm sorry! Didn't mean to confuse you with that messy accounting stuff. Just leave it to us, and we'll make sure your phones always work. Hey, they even kept working when all those lights went out, right? Just good regulation at work, that was.

We are concerned, you know, for the regular Joe, the average citizen. We simply just can't let something as important as a phone be left to public companies, who might not follow through on all their promises, like we in government do.

Sure, they say they'll add 911 services but do you believe them? What? You say you can always use your regular phone or your cell phone for 911 in the interim? Well, sure, that might work for you, but what about those underprivileged folks who have DSL or cable Internet services and a computer and enough money to want to save some by using VoIP, but have no other alternative phone? Us regulators would rather have to get a real job than to let those poor folks expire trying to reach an ambulance on their VoIP setup.Really, it's not about taxes. Did I say taxes? My bad. We're all for lighter regulation of VoIP, you know, we even said that. Just as long as that means we still get to keep lightening your wallet for taxes whose initial purpose we can't even remember anymore. Oh yeah, rural service. Gotta make sure those people in the hills still have a phone to call granny. Why just today, my granny sent me an IM and asked if I could pick her up some new earphones for her iPod. I told her sure, I'd drop them off when I came over to watch "The Sopranos" episode she Tivo'd for me on Sunday.

Now, you'd hate it if granny didn't have a phone, right? That's what it's about. Taxes. Did I say taxes? I meant my job. Wait, strike that. It's about granny. And light regulation. Heavy on the taxes.