Last Mile: Can You Hear Me Now? Not Good!

11) The Flat Earth Society's annual convention

10) The doctor's office during your colonoscopy

9) While scuba diving at 160 feet

8) During a clandestine visit to the White House bedroom

7) At a session of Belden's "Wire and Cable" conference6) In the middle of a power weight-lifting session

5) While in a sensory deprivation tank

4) In church, when "Zelda the wireless dominatrix" is calling

3) While brushing the teeth of a hypersensitive lion

2) At the wheel of any moving vehicle (we're not kidding here!)1) In the meetinghouse of your Amish community

Special thanks to Darin Bush, Alan Cohen, Josh Ford, Adam Geffner, Ken Graham, Steven Grafing, Steve Harvey, Gregory Mamayek and Doug Whitaker for demonstrating their incredibly keen senses of poor timing. Now go find something else to read, we're in the middle of a phone call right now.

Mind Into Matter-- A 2050 Odyssey

Ah, Italia--you gave us Leonardo da Vinci, Sophia Loren--and now the first "real" R2D2 droid. Researchers at the University of Pisa have developed more than just a remote-controlled trash can. This R2 unit chirps like the original, walks on two or three legs, and--get this--comes equipped with Bluetooth and USB. Their hope is that robots like this could someday be used in museums, hospitals, and even homes.

Naturally, we wondered how such a technical wonder might be used in an IT department. Here are a few ideas:• Projects a hologram of your boss saying, "Luke, you must install the new blade servers today--you're our only hope"

• Translates convoluted end-user problem calls into technically accurate trouble tickets

• Laser-blasts unwanted consultants and vendor salespeople out of the data center

• Delivers critical sodas and snacks during grueling late-night gaming sessions

How would you use a real droid in your IT department? Send us your ideas using The Force or go to www.nwc.com/forms/itdroid.html.•Think you can retire when your body gets old and tired? Think again. According to Ian Pearson, head of the futurology unit at BT, the industry is less than 50 years away from developing a supercomputer powerful enough to store a human's consciousness.

"Realistically, by 2050 we would expect to be able to download your mind into a machine--so when you die, it's not a major career problem," Pearson says, citing the near-geometric growth of memory and processing capacity.

Pearson predicts machines themselves will be capable of conscious thought before the year 2020. "Tomorrow's computers will definitely have emotions," he says. "If I'm on an airplane, I want the computer to be more terrified of crashing than I am."

Pearson isn't saying how IT managers will deal with insubordinate computers, or how to tell your best friend that he or she has a fatal coding error.

LOL

Have a IT-related Chuckle you want to share? Spotted some strange tech? Want to contribute to the latest Top 11 List? Drop on by the Last Mile Repository!