Meeting Adjourned

In the Latest editon of The Last Mile, you'll find our reader submitted "Top 11 Ways to Shorten a Dull IT Staff Meeting." We couldn't cram them all into the page, so submitted for your approval (or revulsion) are all the entries from our rogue's gallery.

Jim MacLeod
Send an email on your Blackberry to page everyone in the room.

Lew Arnold
1. Put the bosses cell phone and Blackberry on an automated speed dialer, with a fake sales call every thirty seconds.
2. Disable all of the electricity and electronics in the room. No lights, no a/c and no Powerpoint.
3. Pay a female coworker to make a sultry and XXX embarrassing call to him and make sure it is on the loud speaker.

John Grozik
Hang a 23 hour clock on the conference room wall. Or check Your Meeting Coach at: http://www.nthdegreesoft.com/

Dominic Vadakkan
Announce that you have been having gas problems since you eat that bean burrito for breakfast.

Erich Huemoeller
• Setting up alerts in your server monitoring systems to send test messages to everyone just after the meeting starts.

• Faking a memo from the CEO to your boss offering bonus' for shorter meetings.
• Taking a call on your cell phone during the meeting and pretending it's your doctor calling with test results on a contagious disease.
• Eating a large Mexican lunch shortly before meeting. Especially if the ventilation system isn't up to snuff.

Rudy J Villalona
1) Have a teamate secretly call your cellphone.
2) Pick up and say "another WMF attack?" we are right on it.

Darryl Pang
Set/time your pager to ring/display an urgent network outage msg 10 minutes into a meeting.

Joseph T Jackson

Two words: Baked Beans

Bruce Saunders
Hire Dave Chappelle as your boss and eliminate boring meetings altogether!

Jefff Goble
Ask for specific language to be entered into company harassment policy regarding Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Bruce Saunders
• Wear some new cologne -- Ode to Peppy la Pew!
• One word - Firecrackers!

Cindy Kryszak
Look at Blackberry and exclaim, "Hey look, our stock is falling by the minute, gotta go call my broker" and leave the room.

gregory mamayek
• Remove 1 chair from conference room prior to meeting. Be last 1 to meeting. Pretend you're going to find a chair. Never return.

• Internet enable the electrical system with your PDA as remote control. Flip the switch.

• Move the time forward on the clock.

• Pretend you have an international call from a time zone ahead of yours. Leave at appropriate time.

• Have your masseuse show up with portable massage table at meeting. Oops, gotta go.
• Bring unopened warm large soda pop to meeting. Shake before meeting. Open at meeting. Works every time.

• The soda trick also works to annoy the hell out of vendor presentations. Open soda in quiet conference room, then belch every now & then. Quite disruptive.

• Flatulence: blows them away every time

• Leave food item in your teeth. Make sure you smile widely. Someone will tell you about. Act embarrassed & leave to take care of it. Never return.

• Make a huge mess on the conference table (food especially). Nobody will want to get messy. Meeting cancelled.
• Remove 1 wheel from each conference room chair. Quite annoying.

Bruce Pierce
Eat plenty of Beans, Cabbage, or other "GAS" inducing foods before the meeting. Works best with accomplises. If you do get caught "exceding GAS" blame it on the "medicine" you have to take