No Virtue Here

4:30 PM -- Americans are an impatient lot, unwilling to wait more than 37 seconds on average for customer service to personally answer their call.

Thus reports Data Dimension, which in an amusing bit of wordplay, turns this negative into a positive in its latest press release. (See Report Finds Americans Impatient.) "Impatience can play to consumers' advantage as corporations work to placate disgruntled consumers during the all important holiday buying season," systems integrator DD tells us.

I guess this means I can expect a whopping discount if I call up Microsoft in a huff because I can't find an Xbox 360 within a 30-mile radius of my home.

This specious little bit of marketing masquerading as research goes on to say that American consumers are very well predisposed to handle their complaints or questions via email. The average email inquiry gets a response stateside in 11 hours, according to DD, while counterparts in Europe and Asia must wait 27 hours or more.

What's the American secret for faster responses? Higher frappuccino consumption? Greater threat of class-action lawsuits? A pathological sense of entitlement?I'll get back to you when Microsoft answers my snarky email.

Terry Sweeney, Editor in Chief, Byte and Switch