Pass the Sunscreen, Linus

Starts spelling his name Linux Torvalds -- John Oh

Consultant for MS Attack Team on Linux -- Venkatesh Ramu

Joins Microsoft as Chief SOftware Architect -- Venkatesh Ramu

Starts carrying eggs on his feet to protect them from the cold -- Bob Roche

Initial 2.6 kernel version code named "LinuxXP" Jeff Webb

Needs to get into a pair of sandals, as the Microsoft Mafia is wanting to fit him with a new pair of cement shoes -- Kevin Jackson

He starts walking around with a blanket sucking his thumb -- Kris Prewett

He is considering The Great Pumpkin as a name for the next release -- Kris Prewett

Starts referring to the latest kernel build as, Klink and walks around muttering, I know nothing, nothing! -- Greg Goodman

Suggests integrating Mozilla into the kernel -- Jason Hicks

Says he is ready to begin moving to release 2.6 by having the next version be named 2.6.0-pre1. He then releases 2.6.0-test1 -- Kirk C Aune

Says he is Finish(ed) and will write no more operating systems -- Kirk C Aune

Walking around humming the tune "Start me up"... -- Chris Lange

Returning from lunch, he absently types "c:WINDOWSWINIPCFG" as a first step to troubleshoot his inoperative network connection. Then he realizes the keyboard's not plugged in -- Lee Chambers

He's forgotten where the Linux server is -- Lee Chambers

The 14" monitor on the Linux server has lost two colors so he tries to replace it with a Televideo data terminal -- Lee Chambers

All the lights on the server are out, the fan is frozen up and the monitor doesn't work, but it's still ON and living on the network. He decides to turn it off to fix it and discovers he's turned off a 486-120 he was using to hold up his coffeecup and he can't remember what it was doing--but it was running fine--and he's got no idea which machine he's really using!) -- Lee Chambers

Proposes next Kernel be implemented as a middleware layer in Dot.Net -- Larry Battis

Gets caught day dreaming about that "darn cute pinguin in that sexy red hat" -- Tim Ott

Decides that Open Source is a waste of time Woody Medina

Bruised forehead from crushing Jolt cans -- Woody Medina

Calls Microsoft and asks "Why can't we all just get along?" -- Woody Medina

Dumps penguin for Linux logo in favor of bottle of Jack Daniels -- Woody Medina

Retires the penguin logo in favor of a "flying cappuccino maker" -- Andrew Maguire

Announces next version of the kernel will be released Oct. 31, "to honor the Great Pumpkin as he rises from the pumpkin patch to give candy to all the good children in the world." -- Scott Bauer

Starts believing the abacus wasn't such a bad idea -- Gerald Butts

Linus unveils the new Linux offering, Killer Penguins 1.0 by mailing thousands of the suckers to

Microsoft and SCO employees worldwide -- Ken Graham

Linus has been seen wandering the streets muttering, "I've emailed millions of those test messages and

Bill Gates still hasn't sent me my check..." -- Ken Graham

"and neither has Roy Disney." -- Ken Graham

"but when that Nigerian Oil Minister calls, I'll be rich." -- Ken Graham

He is being to think this Linux thing wasn't such a good idea after all -- Spencer Albion

He continues to try to improve OS performance on his old 386 computer -- Richard Boehne

My penguin is in need of a suntan -- Melvin Shields

Awakes suddenly from a good night's sleep and finds himself in his swimming pool dressed in a tux and wearing swim fins. -- Glen Jungels

Starts using "Transmeta" and "Sans-data" interchangeably -- Mark Swope

SCO files for a patent on his brain -- Gary Hoke

Lost chess match to Big Blue. Should have stuck with playing checkers -- Gary Hoke

When referring to "the kernel" he repetitively has to state "and not guy running the chicken joint down the street" -- Gary Hoke

Thinking of changing logo from a penguin to a butterfly -- Tommy Cathey

Was caught trying to log onto a bbs with a 9600 baud modem -- Mike Mousseau

Offers free T-shirt for anyone willing to part with the current issue of "The Industry Standard." -- Randal Neuleib

Claims that his newest browser lexplorer can't be separated from OS -- Christopher Hall

Hacks XENIX to create Copyrighted LINIX -- Rich Coleman

Buys all of the shares of SCO he possibly can. Then sells them off the next day -- Jim Cobb

Needs time to rethink the name Linux because Linus sounds really good, better than SCO. Maybe they won't go after Linux if the name has changed?!? -- Jim Cobb

Asks if Microsoft has any openings -- Darrel Clute

He's beginning to look like Paul Allen -- Julie Nusom

Thinks he's Linus Pauling -- Dennis Tilli

Says Harry Potter would be better if he were an open source-rer Hector Fernandez

Feels like he wants to apply for a job at SCO -- Harold Bates

Has decided to buy the rights to all Linux distributions, create a new company, and move the headquarters to Redmond - Oregon. -- Jeff Mortenson

His green card has not been approved after 10 Years -- Pedro Esteban

Posted Dominox to an open-recipe bbs -- Hector Fernandez

Keeps calling everyone "Charlie Brown" -- Kevin Gunter

His summer project is a complete kernel rewrite in COBOL -- Joe Dial

If he doesn't take a vacation soon, SCO will claim that it is theirs! -- Darrel Smith

Hunts down cases of JOLT Cola on E-Bay to fuel all-nighters optimizing kernel for Commodore 64 and the "MatchBox Server" platforms. -- Dean Faber

Suggests that the TCP/IP stack be replaced with WinSock -- Jay E. Morris

Sentence written on all his office walls "Where do you want to go today?" -- Matthew Crawford

His login theme is the Monty Python "Finland" skit, complete with audio. -- Mark Jass

New kernel distro's codename: Saint Croix. -- Mark Jass

Wears a Hula skirt and sings "Hono-Linux Baby" while strumming his Ukulele. Matthew Toeniskoetter

Laid himself off and sent resume to Microsoft -- Kraig DeMatteis

Insistence that his biggest mistake ever was "giving away" the Linux source code -- Nick Nielsen

He recently proposed a new alphabet that does not contain the letters S, C, or O.... -- Duke Walls

Is noted that he is currently working on an OS that will give Microsoft Windows a run for their money, and is planning on making it free also. Better watch out -- Billy Forrest

He considered a pay-per-view boxing match with Bill Gates titled: "Open Sores 2003" -- Rich GouetteFiles a billion dollar lawsuit against SCO for contributing Linux derived source code to the Microsoft Windows "Longhorn" OS -- Brice Womack

Starts having nightmares about penguins that morph into VB programmers -- Dave Perkowski

Begins to present a new idea and calls it a Window of opportunity -- Dave Perkowskiannounced his next OS will be something called "DOS" -- Ray Gauthier

While focusing on security... he decided to mirror Microsoft windows -- Doug Soulliere

He's Starting to refer to his family members as "threads" and household chores as "procs". -- Joe Drobnick

He accidentally slips "Longhorn" source code into next Linux kernel. -- Kenn Morris

Burnt out and running low on creativity, Torvalds decides to name the next version of his OS "Linux XP". -- Princy Mehta

Been muttering to any passerby that his hard drive no longer works at home -- Rick Jennison

He's thinking about buying stock in SCO -- Tim McCoy

Wants to sell Lindows on every PC in the world -- Isaac Koch

Says the command prompt is dead -- Isaac Koch

Is getting ready to intruduce Linux, Media Center Edition -- Isaac Koch

Decides to build automatic updates into the next release of Linux -- Isaac Koch

States that in order to make Linux more familiar for administrators, it will be necessary to reboot every time you make a change (even if you just change your mouse). -- Hector Ramirez

To make your Linux experience more familiar, it will incorporate the Blue Screen of Death -- Hector Ramirez