SpongeBob SquarePants

Special thanks to Brent Chick, Stuart Coker, Erik Dauplaise, Lance Dod, Jason "meka-monkey" Ekman, Steven Grafing, Carol Kennedy, Jeff Meadows, David Potwin and Bob Vandenberg for their submissions. Even if you can't speak PHFTTTB, you'll enjoy our complete list of reader submissions. Please note that absolutely no crabs were injured in the making of this list.

Just take a look on the next page.

Top 11 Things that SpongeBob SquarePants Can Teach us About Working in IT

Jeff Meadows
Wanna see my iPod?
Dhuuude, I GOT a Dell....
What's your Sine?
Your chatroom or mine?
Can I buy you a byte to eat?

Erik Dauplaise

1. So, what's your OS?
2. We should go to my place and work on our hardware interface protocols.
3. Your eyes sparkle brighter than a shooting stars screen saver.
4. I like your backend processes.
5. What layer of the OSI model gets you excited?

Stuart Coker

1. You can do a lot with "Ima-aa-gin-aaaa-tion" and sometimes
that's all you've got in your budget.2. Don't scream "MONSTER" when it's only a butterfly.
3. You'll never make it work until you "Bring it aro-ooo-und town"
4. Just because your managers don't speak PHFTTTB your IT PHFTTTB language PHFTTTB doesn't mean they can't understand your problems.
5. Surround yourself with people that aren't quite as smart as youself. You'll appear smart even if you wear square pants or can't subnet without a calculator.
6. If you play "hooky", it'll catch up with you in the "end."
7. No matter how annoying they become, never serve your co-workers a pie bomb.
8. The treasure chest you keep chasing will, most likely, turn out to be only a plastic replica; but, it is based on a "real" treasure chest.

9. Never volunteer to capture an "Alaskan Bull Worm" until you know the actual size of the problem.
10. Never tease a hibernating squirrel (or a manager who dozes off in a staff meeting.)
I have 5-year-old twins and spend WAY too much time watching Sponge Bob!

Ince
look for the holes in the firewall

jason "mekamonkey" Ekman
your system may not have a virus it could be plankton....

henry cleveland

1. Make it fun
2. When in doubt, laugh.
3. Depend on your friends.
4. Remember to leave work, go home, play.

Marty Varley

Arriving on time at a meeting means you are the only one there.

William

Be like Bob and "soak you code"

Gene Mercer

Being yellow and porous means you're a good target to soak up more work from the Mr. Crabs in the front office.

Joe Fidler
Just because he is mostly friendly, has no sharp edges and sleeps under a rock does not make Patrick a good IT manager.

Jason "meka-monkey" Ekman

You dont need a spine to work in IT

John Patrick
There's someone at every company whose job it is to soak up the crap.

Dirk Hedlund

There's always a little green guy trying to steal your secrets.
Just when you think you're ready, you find out that you can't handle the Alaskan Bull Worm.
Just because he sounds like one, acts like one, and looks like one, that doesn't mean your manager is a robot.

We're not ugly, we just stink.
Coin operated self-destruct... Not one of my better ideas.

Sandi Weber
Proceed with caution and always keep a square head!

Brad Anstett

When all of our jobs are finally outsource, you can make a living flipping burgers and be happy.

Bob Ledford

Once you absorb the information what do you do with it when they wringe you out to dry?

Jim Kenzig
All it takes is some staples and a glue stick to save your butt!

Steven Grafing
It really is okay to run through the server room yelling "Weeeeee!!" at the top of your lungs...

Sometimes the CIO really is Mr. Crabbypants

Calvin Henderson
No matter how much your friend does not know you still can help them out without doing a whole lot.

Kristofer Mc Connell
Laugh at anything remotely funny, chances are it will get you through your day.

Mark McGinnis
We rely on SpongeBob to to show us the proper way to string CATfish5 cable.

Brent Chick

1. After being awake for 32 hours restoring a server we all live in a pineapple under the sea.
2. It's "Hello Mr. Crabs" to you. Not just "Hey, Crabs".
3. I was sure I could rebuild the server and sure I could retie my shoe laces but they both turned out to be theoretical "sure"'s
4. Every IT department has a Pattie, and boy is she crabby.
5. You know you're in trouble when you explain the problem to tech support and all you get back is "moew"
6. A sponge can absorb only so many tech manuals before he begins to leak.

7. Patrick, the guy in the cubicle next to you, really did crawl out from under a rock this morning.
8. When in doubt just put on your crazy face and laugh and laugh and laugh.
9. Soap bubble communication is not secure, unless you're encrypting your bubbles.
10. The clients are all bottom feeders.
11. I know your manager is a crab, and his daughter is a spoiled whale, but it's not your place to point it out.

Vince Diligent
When your whole enterprise is underwater all the time, people don't even notice.

Scott
Having a crab for a boss isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Erich Huemoeller
While flipping burgers may be where we're going to end up, there's a bit more torture to experience from management before we get to wear our names on our shirts.

David Potwin
You think Penguins and Butterfly's are annoying, try living in an Underwater Pineapple next to a Squirrel who knows Karate..

Carol Kennedy
This is when we find out what really happens when electricity and water meet

Sharon Osmond
Squid: System Quit Users In Deep

Paul Dunlop

You have to move so fast that it makes your cat seem like a snail.

Nick Nielsen
Algae is bad!

You _don't_ want to know the secret recipe...

You don't have to actually do anything as long as you are perky and happy!

Johnnie Ray
IT, like the ocean, is majestic when viewed as a whole - but full of little things waiting to bite you in the butt!

IT is like the ocean, just more than I can absorb.
You think Windows has holes in it? Look at me!

Orion Thrower
Float testing your down server is a must....especially if its hardware!!

lance
always wear squeaky shoes, they drive people nuts

wifi really is the wave of the future how else you gonna surf the 'net underwater?

Howard Plumley
If you swim with sharks, you end up eating your friends.

Peggy Garberick
When your boss starts running around shouting "Me Dime, Me Dime!" you might want to consider another job....

Neil Robinson

You need to be absorbent to soak up all the s#*t you get in this business.

Steven Grafing
Three words... photo-realistic beavers.

Steven Grafing
Life is not always replete with Kafka-esque undertones about the ceaseless futility of continued existence culminating in a final mind-numbing epiphany of despair. Unless you're a UNIX admin.

Jeff Meadows

Living in a pinapple is alot like living in a cubicle...
Mr. Krabs is alot like an IT Manager - Out of touch with reality and pinching pennies.

Below is the result of your feedback form.

Paula Janzen
And you thought sponges just absorbed water!

Tim Jackson

Opposite day happens all the time. ("No, that was a common mistake, won't take any time to fix.")

Jeff Meadows
That a Krabby Patty is not a user up in accounting.
That Jelly "Phishing" has nothing to do with spam.

Christopher L Wallick
Sponge Bob is an indicator of the rate of outsourcing of IT work.
Fry-cook use to be a human occupation so maybe one day development work or help desk support will be coming from the new Microsquirt technology complex located in Bikini Bottom next to the Crusty Crab.

Larry Deffendoll

One outfit is all you need to look cool.

Mike Munning
It's not the pizza that's important, it's the delivery!

Bob Vandenberg
That non color coordinated clothing doesn't have to be a deterent to success.

Mike Munning
It's not the pizza that's important...it's the delivery!

Erik Dauplaise
1. Having six arms/legs doesn't automatically make somebody more productive.
2. Working in a lobster trap isn't all bad.
3. You can't make fun of the boss' daughter even if she is a whale.

4. Every once-and-a-while life hands you anchovies.
5. Beware the little guy with the big mouth.

Jonathan Reinisch

You could actully be working for Mr. Crabs and Squidward is in the next cube...

William Busby
Not all managers are as astute as Mr. Crablegs

GREGORY MAMAYEK

Sponges are smarter than management because they soak up more & are useful.

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